Tuesday, November 17, 2009

late or early ...

... either one, i should be in bed. Oldest is still not well. Country Man's work is having their Thanksgiving Feast at work tomorrow, and I needed to make two dishes for the event. They will both require finishing stuff in the morning ... (read, in just a few short hours for the first so it's done and still warm when he leaves).

~~~

blending a family is so very hard on kids. their hopes and dreams that mommy and daddy will get back together are crushed, and there really is rarely anything better than one's own mommy and daddy under the same roof. i wish adults understood that when they make stupid choices.

oddly enough, it is another death in my hopes and dreams, too. i never wanted to be divorced; neither did my Country Man. but we don't get to make all the choices in our lives.

when Eve and Adam ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, they really bombed, big time.

God tells us it is best for a man to remain with the wife of his youth (or his first wife; or do not get divorced), and there's a reason for that. too often people just skip over that not realizing that to not remain with one's wife, or husband, from their youth, is to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. once knowledge is acquired, it cannot be removed ... and then it's too late ... and what was so enticing and mouth-watering at one moment turns into something terribly evil and disgusting the next.

it is hard to make the hard, right, choices in a marriage. boy howdy, sometimes it's really hard. all the enticements of Satan light up in glamorous neon lights, and the fruit of that tree seems sooo irresistible. then one chooses the neon lights to the hard choices ... and the knowledge of good and evil is acquired ... and it's too late.

what really stinks about that is that for one to eat of that fruit, they impose the knowledge of good and evil on many others around them ... it's not just theirs; it's shared. by default, it is shared.

my Country Man is an incredible man! how blessed i am! if only we'd met first and only known each other ... and had all our kids together ... but, alas, tis was not to be. so choices were made, and we are both privy to the knowledge of good and evil.

and that is all so depressing that it makes one just want to jump off a cliff and end it all. it seems so ... final ... and reeks of death.

BUT! that is NOT all there is! Jesus did not simply become man and live a perfect life and die on the cross for our sins, but He rose again and is alive! sure, there's the knowledge of good and evil, BUT JESUS CONQUERED THE EVIL AND SQUASHED AND SMUSHED IT ALL TO PIECES WHEN HE ROSE FROM THE GRAVE AND SPAT IN THE FACE OF DEATH!

so, because of New Life through Christ Jesus our Lord, my Country Man and i know there is healing to be found ... for us, and for our kids. it's a long and gruelling and treacherous path, the path toward healing, but so was Jesus' death on the cross. and when we reach the end, when we endure the long and gruelling and treacherous path of pain and reach the healing, we realize the Life of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is ALIVE and able to give us that Life!

divorce sucks. it always will. but there is hope out there for those of us who have had to partake of that fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, and that hope is the reality and Truth of Jesus Christ, alive and Sovereign and Holy and Just ... and that Truth sets us free, to live.

this morning ...

... i was reminded again this morning of what a small world it really is :)

'it's a small world after all! it's a small world after all! it's a small, small world. it's a world of laughter and a world of tears; it's a world of hopes a world of fears . . ."

thankful and blessed to hear how God is working all around us.

Oldest still home sick today. apparently stomach virus going around ... her's is mild, and THAT'S a HUGE blessing! wonderful Country Man prayed over her last night.

have made two hand-bags/purses ... working on third ... having fun :)

Monday, November 16, 2009

gathering and giving

i have my Oldest home with me today. she woke up sick to her stomach and weak. i think it's just her allergies kicking her butt ... hopefully as we go through the day this will prove to be true.

Oldest was required to do a project through her language arts class where she gave something back to others in her community, state, nation or world. our church gathered food last night to give to needy families, so Oldest took on this project last week, walked around our new neighborhood asking for food donations, and we took them up to the church last night.

it was an incredible experience. they were well organized. my girls distributed the food we had to the appropriate places ... then gathered specific food from a list to fill a basket ... the we got the name of a disabled woman, picked up two baskets of food, and took them over to her. it was dark and raining ... and incredible!

this woman was immensely appreciative. she hugged me with tears in her eyes. i held her face and said, "i know. i was a single mom for four years, and we needed food, too." after lots of hugs from this woman and her daughter who had come by to clean for her momma, my girls and i left ... but this experience will never leave their hearts, or mine.

my girls had been bickering even up till when we were at this lady's doorstep, but when we walked out, there were different. helping others changes us, and i love the way it's changing my daughters.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

praying for ...

spent some nice time talking with Oldest this evening. what a delight my daughter is!

praying for my girls, for their hearts, for protection and wisdom.

praying along side a friend who is praying for God's direction in a relationship.

praying for the young children brought under the wing of my friends as legal guardians ~ and my friends who took them in without thought.

praying for replenished strength. i have been so depleted for sooo long ... finally at a place where i am safe, and i can un-frazzle, where i'm no longer living in survival mode all the time, and i'm finding i am weak and in need of His strength poured into me, strengthening me, fortifying me, refreshing me.

now ... off to bed so i can be replenished with rest and sleep!

a blessing-filled day

the girls and i had the most wonderful time visiting our friends in our old hometown today! they are dear to our hearts, and it was truly a blessing-filled day ... and not just the perfectly delicious meal the sire chef created for us!

friendships and good friends are ... good. they are good for our hearts and souls. i am thankful for our friends we shared the day with today.

random ramblings

it's late.

kitchen cleaned. small project done. Ruby been let out and water bowl filled. girls been asleep for quite some time.

lots going on in our little patch of this world. i wish i could freeze all of time around me for about a week or so while i get caught up! am beginning to wonder that being 'caught up' is not something that will happen till the kids are grown and gone :).

interesting how there are somethings that suck the life outa you and never give it back ... and there are somethings that fill you with life and never require anything in return. i prefer the latter :). actually, the balance of the two is not a bad thing; is probably a good thing. but too much of the one without much of the other can take it's toll over time.

been sewing again. not sure where i'm going with this, but it's fun being creative. i love the things i create and make. i get lost in what i'm doing and time flies away. need to get lost into folding my pile of laundry ;).

i have great kids; great kids! i love my girls :). i love this tweenager age ... but there are moments when i am thankful that it's just a season and won't last forever ;). am a little anxious about my youngest entering this stage before long ... shudder ... hummm ... i think somethings are best left in the future!

am understanding why so many have said it takes seven years to blend a family after the wedding. there's just ... sooo much, so much. of course, seven years from now has my girls at 17 and 19 and my step son at 19 ... eeeek! now THAT's a thought really best left in the future!!!

am continuously amazed, amazed, at the love my Country Man has for me ... his love, patience, understanding, endurance, gentleness, steadfastness. i am eternally blessed. we're like two peas in a pod ... like peas and carrots ... like peanut butter and jelly ... like buscuits and honey ... like bbq and texas ... like the sun and the moon ... like bees and pollen ... like flowers and sunshine . we're strong together, very strong. and that's a good thing b/c the winds and storms of life seem relentless at times ... and the forecast doesn't show much relief anytime soon :).

the next women's ministry newsletter is coming out december 5, right between the holidays. i'm thinking about writing a piece about single parents and the holidays ~ something very close to my heart. thing is, i don't think my words would be a waste on these people, so it makes it even that much more worthwhile to write. will pray about this some more.

am tired ... need to get to sleep. his mercies are new every morning! sunshine on the weather forecast for the morrow, working on a school project gathering food for needy families ... picking up a popcorn sales order for a friend, planning to head to our old hometown for some great visiting time ... ahhh ... looks like a great day ahead! i think i'll get some zzz's so i'm ready to go!

g'night :)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I Am Sooo ...

... blessed!

My Country Man husband is wonderful! His love and perception into who I am amaze me.

Where my dad and my mom and my ex would get extremely angry with me or seethingly jealous of me, my Country Man sees my heart, sees who I am, meets me there, and loves me as-is. All my life I have longed to know this kind of love!

Thank You, God, for this amazing man you have gifted to me! Raise me up and enable me to be and become the wife You desire and he needs and desires me to be everyday. I love You, Ame